I've been meaning to post this for a while but I've been extremely busy. Since I've last updated anyone, through blog or word of mouth, I've taken on a few more tasks. On top of Golden Butterfly with EVCT, I just finished Romeo, You Idiot, a one act play that ran for one day (I know lame) at school. I got to play a vampire version of Count Paris. I got to wear a cape which was majorly funny, or so I heard, I didn't really get to see it. I'm sorry I didn't tell everyone earlier like I said busy.
In addition to that I auditioned and got into Arsenic and Old Lace. I wish I could say I'm proud of that but I'm not really looking forward to it. We rehears for 12 weeks and get three shows. Doing EVCT we rehears for a month, maybe a month and a half, and perform for three weekends. On top of that I have to cut my hair for the role. I'm a minor role, a police officer who shows up at the end of the last act to just sort of finish things off. The lead is, of course, one of the favorites. I've also decided not to do school theatre again. I'm going to go to EVIT to study automotive technology, so please come to see me in my debut and final school play. I don't know when it opens but I should be freed up soon so don't worry I'll tell you when it opens.
But this is what I really wanted to talk to you all about: The Golden Butterfly. I'm uber excited for this show! My costume and several others are fantastic, the casting is (for the most part) astonishing, the story is good for kids and will please parents, the script is...better than Narnia, and (best of all) Sean and I are both in it and Stacie is working sound, so when you come to see it you're supporting all of us! It opens Feb. 5 (yeah thats this Thursday) and we will have shows every weekend until Feb. 22. I know this is such horribly late notice I appologize I've been swamped. It's still at the Mesa Arts Center and you have three weeks to make it, if you can't, there is still Arsenic and Old Lace and, knock on wood, The Little Mermaid this summer.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Friday, December 12, 2008
2008: A Year in Review
The year is coming to a close and I thought it fitting that I take a moment to look back at everything (at least everything to my recollection) and at the same time update this out of date blog. I guess the most appropriate place to start would be the beginning. 2008 was, for me, in many ways a time for new beginnings and changes in my life. I don't think I have changed so much in the course of one year since puberty, even if this change was more mental than physical.
Fittingly, I rang in the new year my best Andrew. A toga party thrown by his parents left us both uncomfortable and engaged in lots of odd actives. From the almighty jam to grabbing some Socko's (our signature drink) to watching The Beatles Help!, it truly signified the odd arrangement of activities we would be starting and altering during the course of the year. We together have an innate ability to find the silver lining in any experience. From my constantly being dumped by the same person to his parents getting a divorce and moving to Texas, we have made the best out of everything, I'm even visiting him from the Dec. 27-Jan. 2! He has been my best friend since the 8th grade and I'm so glad to have a friend like him.
Now I can't review my year without talking about Brooke, a wonderful mistake, a horrible blessing, an experience I undoubtedly would repeat if for nothing else but to take away what I learned from the whole thing. I would like to start by recalling the first time she broke up with me. It was the day of my great grandmother's funeral, which I was attending when I get a text message from her saying "I quit." Not understanding the meaning of it at first she readily explained she was dumping me, while I was at a funeral... Well I had to leave the funeral early so I could go to work, where I was readily fired. So the day went funeral, dump, fired then back to funeral. This would set the tone of our relationship: a flurry of bad events would lead to her inevitably dumping me or hating me for caring. Quickly followed by Andrew and I having a great time, odd as it may sound. See the day after the funeral/dump/firing he and I went out got a Socko and I blew my last $200 on the amp that I am using to this day!
The '07-'08 school year went by rather uneventfully, it was summer that was the real bliss and the real horror of the year. The summer proved that Andrew and I are truly unrepeatable buddies and that Brooke was a cruel bitch. For one month, Andrew and I were constantly hanging out. From scrounging up whatever little change we could so we could get some drinks from QT or we had just run by a ton of money and were heading to Guitar Center, we did it all and then some. It was the most amazing summer ever so long as I had my buddy with me. We explored new musics, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Primus, The Beatles (they have been there all my life but The Beatles were new to Andrew), and it made our own music better. The first half of the summer was bliss, I thought I had it made: my best buddy and I always together, a loving girlfriend and a head full of bubbling madness, those were the days.
It was the second half when things started going to hell. Andrew's mom told us that she was going to marry an Air Force man, who I still suspect she cheated on her husband with. Less than two months after her divorce from her husband of eight years (I apologize Andrew if that number is wrong), who she had a child with, she was remarrying, and moving to a Texas border town. Andrew and I started counting down the days, each day bringing us closer to the inevitable separation.
Well he left and things got worse. It got to the point where Brooke was dumping me on a weekly basis, if not more often and when we did just so happen to be together she was pissed at me. In no way shape or form a healthy relationship. This went on until maybe a week into school and we haven't really even spoken since then.
September rolls around and I audition and get a part in my first play, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe with East Valley Children's Theatre (EVCT) as Fenris Ulf, who was, in my mind at least, the scariest character on stage. I met people there who have change my the way I look at the world, at myself, at the stage, and just made me think. Doing Narnia was among the most life changing experiences of my life so far. I would like to thank the entire cast of Narnia for they all changed my life, some people became good friends and helped make Narnia a possitive experience, whle others, mostly women, were complete bitches and helped make Narnia a possitive experience. Yes I learned as much from the jerks as I did from my friends. I know now that I'm one of those people who stands out in a crowd in a negative way. I'm a natural oddity and I embrace it, and I frighten those who are of a natural normality, a fact I somewhat enjoy. I know I will not be everyone's friend but to get anywhere in life I have to simply not care. I also learned, in the words of Tom, if a woman has anything in her past that could land you on Jerry Springer, don't date her, a fact that is, in fact, very true. Thank you Tom.
Narnia came and went with drama on and off stage. I became drawn into the center of this drama when two of the cast members broke up and I became the lady's boy toy, for lack of better words. This made me a few friends and, I'm quite sure, drew a few enemies. Not from other guys who were after her, just that her ex was pretty much every one's friend and I'm sure he made sure I became public enemy number one. But soon enough it was over, the dream long gone, just a memory.
The very last thing that I did with the few good people I met doing Narnia was possibly the single craziest night of my life! On Halloween a few of us went to go see The Rocky Horror Picture Show live, which is neither horrific nor conventional. Without a doubt the greatest gathering of freaks I've ever attended and, I must admit, I loved it! I had never seen the Picture Show before so I didn't really know what to expect. My mind was thoroughly blown. I would like to make it an annual event with the same crowd but if they don't want to come with me and I have to bring others, well that's cool with me too.
November came by and Sean turned 16! Now that is exciting even if he is still with out a permit! He's just being a lazy boob and there isn't anything I can do about it.
And here we are nearly caught up. This last Tuesday I auditioned for the next EVCT show called The Golden Butterfly, and amazing as it may sound I was cast yet again! This time I will be playing the part of Brash, The King of the Landsians, basically I'm a good guy this time and I get a sword!!! Fitting since I didn't in Narnia! Rehearsals start on January 5 and the show opens February 5, so it's going to be a hectic process but I'm exited none the less. I'm actually really excited for this show, I think it's going to be tons better than Narnia and Sean will also be in this one so come see the Brothers Bogle in thier joint stage bebut!!!
Here we are, at the end of a year to be remember. 2008 was, for me, something else, the dawning of a differently life for me. I'm expecially excited for Dec. 27 because, like I said, I'll be flying out San Antonio, Texas where I'll meet up with my heterosexual life mate, the guitar man himself: Andrew! We'll head down to his house in Del Rio, Texas where we will ring in 2009 the same way we did 2008, jamming!
Thank you to all of my friends and family for being the most wonder people I could ever hope to have in my life. Thank you all for helping to shape me into the person I am today. Thank you for your love, your kindness, and your ability to put up with my madness. I love you all.
Fittingly, I rang in the new year my best Andrew. A toga party thrown by his parents left us both uncomfortable and engaged in lots of odd actives. From the almighty jam to grabbing some Socko's (our signature drink) to watching The Beatles Help!, it truly signified the odd arrangement of activities we would be starting and altering during the course of the year. We together have an innate ability to find the silver lining in any experience. From my constantly being dumped by the same person to his parents getting a divorce and moving to Texas, we have made the best out of everything, I'm even visiting him from the Dec. 27-Jan. 2! He has been my best friend since the 8th grade and I'm so glad to have a friend like him.
Now I can't review my year without talking about Brooke, a wonderful mistake, a horrible blessing, an experience I undoubtedly would repeat if for nothing else but to take away what I learned from the whole thing. I would like to start by recalling the first time she broke up with me. It was the day of my great grandmother's funeral, which I was attending when I get a text message from her saying "I quit." Not understanding the meaning of it at first she readily explained she was dumping me, while I was at a funeral... Well I had to leave the funeral early so I could go to work, where I was readily fired. So the day went funeral, dump, fired then back to funeral. This would set the tone of our relationship: a flurry of bad events would lead to her inevitably dumping me or hating me for caring. Quickly followed by Andrew and I having a great time, odd as it may sound. See the day after the funeral/dump/firing he and I went out got a Socko and I blew my last $200 on the amp that I am using to this day!
The '07-'08 school year went by rather uneventfully, it was summer that was the real bliss and the real horror of the year. The summer proved that Andrew and I are truly unrepeatable buddies and that Brooke was a cruel bitch. For one month, Andrew and I were constantly hanging out. From scrounging up whatever little change we could so we could get some drinks from QT or we had just run by a ton of money and were heading to Guitar Center, we did it all and then some. It was the most amazing summer ever so long as I had my buddy with me. We explored new musics, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Primus, The Beatles (they have been there all my life but The Beatles were new to Andrew), and it made our own music better. The first half of the summer was bliss, I thought I had it made: my best buddy and I always together, a loving girlfriend and a head full of bubbling madness, those were the days.
It was the second half when things started going to hell. Andrew's mom told us that she was going to marry an Air Force man, who I still suspect she cheated on her husband with. Less than two months after her divorce from her husband of eight years (I apologize Andrew if that number is wrong), who she had a child with, she was remarrying, and moving to a Texas border town. Andrew and I started counting down the days, each day bringing us closer to the inevitable separation.
Well he left and things got worse. It got to the point where Brooke was dumping me on a weekly basis, if not more often and when we did just so happen to be together she was pissed at me. In no way shape or form a healthy relationship. This went on until maybe a week into school and we haven't really even spoken since then.
September rolls around and I audition and get a part in my first play, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe with East Valley Children's Theatre (EVCT) as Fenris Ulf, who was, in my mind at least, the scariest character on stage. I met people there who have change my the way I look at the world, at myself, at the stage, and just made me think. Doing Narnia was among the most life changing experiences of my life so far. I would like to thank the entire cast of Narnia for they all changed my life, some people became good friends and helped make Narnia a possitive experience, whle others, mostly women, were complete bitches and helped make Narnia a possitive experience. Yes I learned as much from the jerks as I did from my friends. I know now that I'm one of those people who stands out in a crowd in a negative way. I'm a natural oddity and I embrace it, and I frighten those who are of a natural normality, a fact I somewhat enjoy. I know I will not be everyone's friend but to get anywhere in life I have to simply not care. I also learned, in the words of Tom, if a woman has anything in her past that could land you on Jerry Springer, don't date her, a fact that is, in fact, very true. Thank you Tom.
Narnia came and went with drama on and off stage. I became drawn into the center of this drama when two of the cast members broke up and I became the lady's boy toy, for lack of better words. This made me a few friends and, I'm quite sure, drew a few enemies. Not from other guys who were after her, just that her ex was pretty much every one's friend and I'm sure he made sure I became public enemy number one. But soon enough it was over, the dream long gone, just a memory.
The very last thing that I did with the few good people I met doing Narnia was possibly the single craziest night of my life! On Halloween a few of us went to go see The Rocky Horror Picture Show live, which is neither horrific nor conventional. Without a doubt the greatest gathering of freaks I've ever attended and, I must admit, I loved it! I had never seen the Picture Show before so I didn't really know what to expect. My mind was thoroughly blown. I would like to make it an annual event with the same crowd but if they don't want to come with me and I have to bring others, well that's cool with me too.
November came by and Sean turned 16! Now that is exciting even if he is still with out a permit! He's just being a lazy boob and there isn't anything I can do about it.
And here we are nearly caught up. This last Tuesday I auditioned for the next EVCT show called The Golden Butterfly, and amazing as it may sound I was cast yet again! This time I will be playing the part of Brash, The King of the Landsians, basically I'm a good guy this time and I get a sword!!! Fitting since I didn't in Narnia! Rehearsals start on January 5 and the show opens February 5, so it's going to be a hectic process but I'm exited none the less. I'm actually really excited for this show, I think it's going to be tons better than Narnia and Sean will also be in this one so come see the Brothers Bogle in thier joint stage bebut!!!
Here we are, at the end of a year to be remember. 2008 was, for me, something else, the dawning of a differently life for me. I'm expecially excited for Dec. 27 because, like I said, I'll be flying out San Antonio, Texas where I'll meet up with my heterosexual life mate, the guitar man himself: Andrew! We'll head down to his house in Del Rio, Texas where we will ring in 2009 the same way we did 2008, jamming!
Thank you to all of my friends and family for being the most wonder people I could ever hope to have in my life. Thank you all for helping to shape me into the person I am today. Thank you for your love, your kindness, and your ability to put up with my madness. I love you all.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
This is the End (?)
Well Narnia has been over for some time now and I realized I haven't given anyone a proper account my experience with my first show.
First of all I would like to thank all of you who came to see me perform: Elise, Kas, Zoey, Megan, Ruben, Moe, Lauren, Diann, Hailey, Sydney, and Emily (no not the aunt the friend from school, I am still pissed that the Emily didn't show up, well maybe not upset). You all rock, please tell me what you thought of the show, and me of course!
Doing 16 performances of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe was a wonderful, horrible, life changing event! I'm so glad for all the friends I made while doing this show and for the experience of performing live in such a way. I have to say that I loved being Fenris Ulf! Just being able to act out being a wolf was incredible! And not "just a wolf" the wolf, the only villain with a name(the witch/queen has a name but it's never used to address her)! Half of the only one-on-one fight scene. I have established a real back story for him which really helped me to bring him to life, in case anyone was wondering why it was so good lol jkjk
Also for anyone I didn't tell I was actually on stage the entire show! See after my death scene I had to run behind the stone table to break it, which was hell. The actual breaking of the table wasn't a problem, it was some of the other people involved with the scene changes and them not putting trees where they belong. Just a little fun fact for all of you who are interested.
Since this is over now I'm looking forward to my next acting endeavor. I have two possibilities that I am considering. First, and the most likely to happen, is the next show at EVCT, The Golden Butterfly, auditions are Dec. 8th and 9th. This is very appealing for the fact that there are people at EVCT that I really like and hope to see at this show. Furthermore, after my last show with them I feel I could get very far if I continue to work with them. The other is Arsenic and Old Lace with Desert Ridge Theatre. Problem with this show is that I am very unlikely to get a good part considering the director doesn't like me, it would force Sean and Stacie to stay after school, which I know they hate, and there would only be 3 performances, I know this sounds like it should be a good thing but I honestly enjoyed doing 16 shows. On the other hand it would make my standings in high school drama better and if I choose to pursue theatre into college, I think at least one high school show would look good. Any suggestions?
Once again thanks to all of you who came. I look forward to doing more shows where ever it may be and seeing more of you come out as I develop my abilities!!!
First of all I would like to thank all of you who came to see me perform: Elise, Kas, Zoey, Megan, Ruben, Moe, Lauren, Diann, Hailey, Sydney, and Emily (no not the aunt the friend from school, I am still pissed that the Emily didn't show up, well maybe not upset). You all rock, please tell me what you thought of the show, and me of course!
Doing 16 performances of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe was a wonderful, horrible, life changing event! I'm so glad for all the friends I made while doing this show and for the experience of performing live in such a way. I have to say that I loved being Fenris Ulf! Just being able to act out being a wolf was incredible! And not "just a wolf" the wolf, the only villain with a name(the witch/queen has a name but it's never used to address her)! Half of the only one-on-one fight scene. I have established a real back story for him which really helped me to bring him to life, in case anyone was wondering why it was so good lol jkjk
Also for anyone I didn't tell I was actually on stage the entire show! See after my death scene I had to run behind the stone table to break it, which was hell. The actual breaking of the table wasn't a problem, it was some of the other people involved with the scene changes and them not putting trees where they belong. Just a little fun fact for all of you who are interested.
Since this is over now I'm looking forward to my next acting endeavor. I have two possibilities that I am considering. First, and the most likely to happen, is the next show at EVCT, The Golden Butterfly, auditions are Dec. 8th and 9th. This is very appealing for the fact that there are people at EVCT that I really like and hope to see at this show. Furthermore, after my last show with them I feel I could get very far if I continue to work with them. The other is Arsenic and Old Lace with Desert Ridge Theatre. Problem with this show is that I am very unlikely to get a good part considering the director doesn't like me, it would force Sean and Stacie to stay after school, which I know they hate, and there would only be 3 performances, I know this sounds like it should be a good thing but I honestly enjoyed doing 16 shows. On the other hand it would make my standings in high school drama better and if I choose to pursue theatre into college, I think at least one high school show would look good. Any suggestions?
Once again thanks to all of you who came. I look forward to doing more shows where ever it may be and seeing more of you come out as I develop my abilities!!!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Birthdays and Lions
So it has been a while since my last post and there are a few questions, well one question that needs to be answered, so I'm putting it all in my BIRTHDAY POST!!!
Today I am 17 years old! Wow can you believe it, I'm soooo old lol. I must be honest, these things are getting less and less exciting, especially as less and less people care. This birthday has honestly sucked thus far =( Only one of my friends actually remember it, and that rocks because she told me happy birthday before my mom did, or maybe that sucks. But I woke up getting yelled at and then my ex made me feel like crap, and...things haven't gotten better. I honestly hate today. I'm just having a really really bad day =( it just sucks =( I would really like for something good to happen but I'm not holding my breath. I know how horrible and selfish I sound but I mean it is my birthday, it should be about me, but I feel ignored today.
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe!!! People are wanting show times. Well here they are:
October 9-12, 2008, Thurs – Sat at 7 pm, Sat at 4 pm, Sun at 2 pm
October 17-19, 2008, Fri – Sat at 7 pm, Sat at 4 pm, Sun at 2 pm
October 24-26, 2008, Fri – Sat at 7 pm, Sat at 4 pm, Sun at 2 pm
Come see the show and support my supporting role in the whole thing
Today I am 17 years old! Wow can you believe it, I'm soooo old lol. I must be honest, these things are getting less and less exciting, especially as less and less people care. This birthday has honestly sucked thus far =( Only one of my friends actually remember it, and that rocks because she told me happy birthday before my mom did, or maybe that sucks. But I woke up getting yelled at and then my ex made me feel like crap, and...things haven't gotten better. I honestly hate today. I'm just having a really really bad day =( it just sucks =( I would really like for something good to happen but I'm not holding my breath. I know how horrible and selfish I sound but I mean it is my birthday, it should be about me, but I feel ignored today.
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe!!! People are wanting show times. Well here they are:
October 9-12, 2008, Thurs – Sat at 7 pm, Sat at 4 pm, Sun at 2 pm
October 17-19, 2008, Fri – Sat at 7 pm, Sat at 4 pm, Sun at 2 pm
October 24-26, 2008, Fri – Sat at 7 pm, Sat at 4 pm, Sun at 2 pm
Come see the show and support my supporting role in the whole thing
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Mike is an actor?
On August 29th I went to East Valley Childrens Theatre to audition for a part in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe which was absolutely marvelous. First we did a dance as animals. Its was a sort of ethreal Celtic animal thing, but it was great fun. Next we were marched into another room to do cold readings, which is where they give you part of the script and say "OK read." I felt I did fairly well at this. Finally, and this was the kicker, they had us pretend we were monsters in the witches army. They told us at the very beginning that they had seen too many cat like creatures so I knew to steer clear of that. Everyone was still getting down low and making little kitty like roars and screeches, so when it was my turn to go up I decided to do something completely different. The director said go and I get as tall as I can and let out a deep monstrous. I went around just roaring at people until I get to this kid who must have been 11 years-old. I roar at him and he roars back, so I roar back at him and we get into this roaring fight for dominance! Imagine that!!! Less than an hour later I get a call from them asking me to come back for the second round of auditions!
August 30th I come back for round two! This one was a bit more intense, bit more talent, bit more technical. Out of 131 people who originally auditioned 60 were chosen to come back for round 2 and only half of that 60 would get a part. It all started with some more cold readings. A few of the older girls read for the White Witch and the rest of us read for either the animals or the kids. I read for Peter (the oldest one real father figure) once and Edmund (the younger boy who turns everyone into the White Witch). I knew I couldn't be cast as Edmund which didn't bother me, but being cast as Peter, a leading role, in my first play was a possibility that was too good in my mind.
After the cold readings we sat and played some improve games so some of the people there could see if we had what it takes to be in the East Valley Childrens Theatre Improv Troupe, which I was asked to join amazingly enough! This was also to give the the choreographer a chance to give people a second go at a more technical dance.
They sent us in to do the dance in groups of 12. The dance this time was a fighting dance! Of course, we were still animals, and the dance made sure we knew it and at the end was a spear thrust. We had two try's to get it right, which i was very thankful for. Believe it or not, I have no dance training so doing this was a real challenge for me. I got a good feel for it on the second try.
Finally they had us pretend we were animals in Narnia again. This time we weren't monsters just animals or creatures and we had to react to something happening. I decided to take the route of a faun, which everyone interpreted as Tumnus, who I did in fact wanted to be cast as.
That was it, all that was left was to hope for a call back. I waited all night and eventually started freaking out because it was getting late and I didn't think they were going to call. I was right, at least for the time being.
On August 31 around 12:30 I got a call! A lady, who I think was the stage manager, called asking me if I would like to take the part of Fenris Ulf!!! The big bad wolf leader of the White Witches secret police!!! First rehearsal is on September 1st at 5pm, they are going to explain things and get me sized up for the costume! I'm so excited! I also expect most of you to come to East Valley Childrens Theare production of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe! I'll tell you when I opens as soon I figure it out myself!
August 30th I come back for round two! This one was a bit more intense, bit more talent, bit more technical. Out of 131 people who originally auditioned 60 were chosen to come back for round 2 and only half of that 60 would get a part. It all started with some more cold readings. A few of the older girls read for the White Witch and the rest of us read for either the animals or the kids. I read for Peter (the oldest one real father figure) once and Edmund (the younger boy who turns everyone into the White Witch). I knew I couldn't be cast as Edmund which didn't bother me, but being cast as Peter, a leading role, in my first play was a possibility that was too good in my mind.
After the cold readings we sat and played some improve games so some of the people there could see if we had what it takes to be in the East Valley Childrens Theatre Improv Troupe, which I was asked to join amazingly enough! This was also to give the the choreographer a chance to give people a second go at a more technical dance.
They sent us in to do the dance in groups of 12. The dance this time was a fighting dance! Of course, we were still animals, and the dance made sure we knew it and at the end was a spear thrust. We had two try's to get it right, which i was very thankful for. Believe it or not, I have no dance training so doing this was a real challenge for me. I got a good feel for it on the second try.
Finally they had us pretend we were animals in Narnia again. This time we weren't monsters just animals or creatures and we had to react to something happening. I decided to take the route of a faun, which everyone interpreted as Tumnus, who I did in fact wanted to be cast as.
That was it, all that was left was to hope for a call back. I waited all night and eventually started freaking out because it was getting late and I didn't think they were going to call. I was right, at least for the time being.
On August 31 around 12:30 I got a call! A lady, who I think was the stage manager, called asking me if I would like to take the part of Fenris Ulf!!! The big bad wolf leader of the White Witches secret police!!! First rehearsal is on September 1st at 5pm, they are going to explain things and get me sized up for the costume! I'm so excited! I also expect most of you to come to East Valley Childrens Theare production of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe! I'll tell you when I opens as soon I figure it out myself!
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Chills
This song gives me chills
Love the music
Love the lyrics
Love the message
Love the ban
Plus I can play this song (well no the solo)
Love the music
Love the lyrics
Love the message
Love the ban
Plus I can play this song (well no the solo)
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Soul Searching
Life is such a miraculous, mysterious, marvelous and scary thing. Day by day I find my life changing. Sometimes it seems like everything is going right then it all comes crashing down. Other times it seemed like the world was ending then something miraculous happens. This last summer has been full of amazing events that have changed my life and, looking back, this may have been the best summer of my life. Not because I went on some wonderful vacation or spent everyday laughing in the sun with good friends. No quite the opposite in fact, but this summer I have learned more about myself than ever before.
"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask"
-Jim Morrison
Now I'm sure some of you are wondering why I'm putting that quote. It's not just because someone famous said it, or because The Doors are one of my favorite band (that may be how I found it but that's aside the point). I read this and it smashed my face with truth.
During this last school year someone close to me asked me "Who are you?" and the only response I could think of was "I don't know..." Then this person answered for me, and nothing came of it for a while, but I kept thinking about it "who are you?" A question that would haunt anyone who asked that of themselves. It started to really bug me "who are you?" Those three words repeated themselves in my mind daily. I started to realize that almost everything I did, I did for someone else. Even those things that made me happiest in the world, they started as trying to make someone else happy. I had put on a mask, at a very young age, to make other people happy. I had forgotten how to please me, how to make myself happy.
As I have said this summer has gone from amazing to horrible, and from horrible to wonderful at the drop of a hat. From the best times I could ask for with my best friend to saying good-bye to him as he left for Texas. From holding my girlfriend close to getting dumped then getting back together. From dealing with having little girls in house to missing them. From having absolutely no money for school or books or food to getting almost everything we need with one paycheck. From ecstasy to melancholy and back again.
A few weeks ago this person once again came to me and said "I don't know who you are and I can tell you don't know who you are either and it's upsetting you," or something to that affect and suggested I take a week to soul search. So I did, or at least tried. Having girls with us made it nearly impossible to seclude myself in my room for much more than a couple of hours. But it was a good week, or so. I kept a journal (which anyone who would like to is welcome to read) writing whatever I was feeling, glimpses into the past, feelings on things that were going on and whatever else just so happened to pop into my head. It really helped me to figure everything out and work though any emotions that may have popped up while I was searching.
I few days of soul searching turned out to be all I needed. I discovered some marvelous things about myself and found confidence in myself that I never had before. I also had a realization about what I was doing: searching. Searching for something is pointless if it hasn't been created. Who I am is still a work in progress. I still have time, might still have a chance, to be whatever the hell I want to be, to do whatever the hell I want to do. I am F-R-E-E. I had for so long confined myself in self doubt and fear. I can, and am, still becoming the person I want to be. No one can tell me "You can't" or "It's impossible." No I will do whatever I can and become the person I want to be.
"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask"
-Jim Morrison
Now I'm sure some of you are wondering why I'm putting that quote. It's not just because someone famous said it, or because The Doors are one of my favorite band (that may be how I found it but that's aside the point). I read this and it smashed my face with truth.
During this last school year someone close to me asked me "Who are you?" and the only response I could think of was "I don't know..." Then this person answered for me, and nothing came of it for a while, but I kept thinking about it "who are you?" A question that would haunt anyone who asked that of themselves. It started to really bug me "who are you?" Those three words repeated themselves in my mind daily. I started to realize that almost everything I did, I did for someone else. Even those things that made me happiest in the world, they started as trying to make someone else happy. I had put on a mask, at a very young age, to make other people happy. I had forgotten how to please me, how to make myself happy.
As I have said this summer has gone from amazing to horrible, and from horrible to wonderful at the drop of a hat. From the best times I could ask for with my best friend to saying good-bye to him as he left for Texas. From holding my girlfriend close to getting dumped then getting back together. From dealing with having little girls in house to missing them. From having absolutely no money for school or books or food to getting almost everything we need with one paycheck. From ecstasy to melancholy and back again.
A few weeks ago this person once again came to me and said "I don't know who you are and I can tell you don't know who you are either and it's upsetting you," or something to that affect and suggested I take a week to soul search. So I did, or at least tried. Having girls with us made it nearly impossible to seclude myself in my room for much more than a couple of hours. But it was a good week, or so. I kept a journal (which anyone who would like to is welcome to read) writing whatever I was feeling, glimpses into the past, feelings on things that were going on and whatever else just so happened to pop into my head. It really helped me to figure everything out and work though any emotions that may have popped up while I was searching.
I few days of soul searching turned out to be all I needed. I discovered some marvelous things about myself and found confidence in myself that I never had before. I also had a realization about what I was doing: searching. Searching for something is pointless if it hasn't been created. Who I am is still a work in progress. I still have time, might still have a chance, to be whatever the hell I want to be, to do whatever the hell I want to do. I am F-R-E-E. I had for so long confined myself in self doubt and fear. I can, and am, still becoming the person I want to be. No one can tell me "You can't" or "It's impossible." No I will do whatever I can and become the person I want to be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
